One of my favorite places to take photos is at the Arb in Ann Arbor.

Lately, I’ve been going through some pictures and touching them up, which seems a little bit easier sometimes when time has elapsed.

I’m really looking forward to taking more photos this year, starting in the spring.

I have a lot of goals this year which involve photography, music and art, the problem is finding the time…

The model in this picture is my sister Samantha.

Valentine’s Day is not my favorite holiday by any stretch of the imagination.

I never wanted to be the type of person who flaunted my happiness in my relationship as other people suffer or are lonely.  I always hated people like that when I was single!

Not to mention the corporate card and flower industries that lurk behind this insidious holiday!

The most interesting thing about Valentine’s Day to me (besides trying to make coherent thoughts from conversation hearts) are the valentines that people make.  My personal favorite are these Skyrim ones (as I am obsessed with Skyrim and a huge Elder Scrolls nerd):

http://www.g4tv.com/thefeed/blog/post/720609/skyrim-valentines-day-cards-warm-our-frigid-hearts/

I wish I would have thought of making these brilliant v-day cards!

I think we are all made of contradictions.  It’s something that I struggle with.

I think sometimes, when fighting our demons, we can lose part of our identity.  Maybe that part is not actually… lost.  Maybe she got thrown in jail for ten years for bad behavior.  Maybe I hoped that if she would just shut up so that I could have a “normal” life.

Well… it’s time to face the facts.  I can’t just work a normal job and have a normal house and normal kids and a normal life and be a normal person and feel fulfilled.  It’s not who I am.  It’s not what I want.  I’ve pretended that this could work for me but it really doesn’t.

I have to create things whether I like it or not.  It’s so easy to lie to yourself.  But now, I have to be honest.

Because…

Life is arbitrary.  It’s random.  You or I or someone that you love could die at any moment.  I have seen it.  I have fucking been there.  I am not going to hold my breath and wait for the stars to align.  I have to do the best I can to get the most out of every moment.  To be the best and most authentic version of myself that I can.

We only have a finite amount of time.

Reflecting on the year. Good and bad… Suffering. Estrangement. Loved ones lost. The true friends that stand by your side through the bad times. Looking in the mirror and realizing that you are living a lie. Not knowing why you gave up, and picking yourself back up and trying again. The comfort of love. The lost years waiting. The loss of light… gaining insight. Finding the common threads that connect us all. Feeling lost and knowing that the answer was right there all along… Here’s hoping for a better future.

Anyway, I was elated when I saw a package from R.E.M. in the mail.  It’s their annual fan club gift package and I wasn’t even expecting to receive one, which I was very sad about, since I had slipped a few months on my renewal and then they broke up and I wasn’t ABLE to renew… I just figured that I had missed out on their last ever mailing, which always includes some special songs specifically released to fan club members and things like that.  I was devastated that they haven’t toured in Michigan for the better part of a decade, and now they were breaking up and leaving me alone, with no future music to look forward to, on one of the worst years of my life.  I understand their reasoning that farewell tours seem like a cash grab and things like that, but I still wanted the opportunity to see them live again!

After receiving this in the mail, I felt a little better.  They didn’t have to do this, and I appreciate it so much.

The lyrics are perfect for a Christmas card, but as soon as I saw the words, I knew it was from Sweetness Follows.  A dark moody song from their 1992 album Automatic for the People.  Which I love.  Strangely, it captures 2011 for me… there are some lyrics that literally describe what has been going on.  2011 has been dark and horrible but I can still see the light reflecting from the dark.

I’m really hoping 2012 doesn’t suck.

xoxoxoxox

Nancy

http://www.last.fm/music/Nancy+Nishihira/Long+Lost

I’m offering my 3 song EP, Long Lost, for free on Last.fm.

That’s all for now…

I met up with some old high school friends for the latest photoshoot!

On this cool autumn day, we wandered around the Arb and Island Park in Ann Arbor taking pictures.  It was very serene and relaxing, the leaves and water were so beautiful!

If people are interested in these songs, then I’ll definitely release a CD/vinyl/something.  If not, then I won’t!  At least I’ll have these songs out of my system and will have room in my head for new creations.

This song is about the cold and the ocean. It’s an acoustic song. It features a female vocalist (me). You might like this song if you like Adele or R.E.M. or Tori Amos… or maybe if you just hate the cold.

or you can go to the website: http://nancynishihira.bandcamp.com/track/the-cold

Just posting a few pics from Halloween, I guess the biggest problem with hosting a party is that you are too busy to take very many pictures!  I’m still hoping we can get another few weeks of the beautiful color changes in autumn…